I am incredibly thankful today for the direction God is leading me in my life.
In the span of a year and a half, many here at CLF have suffered great loss. Some have lost their spouse, some their parents, some great friends and mentors. My own husband of 37 years died suddenly... no chance to kiss him goodbye...no chance to tell him how much I loved him. For the past 18 months I have known the terrible heartache and sadness and incredible loneliness.
For months I questioned God as to why. For months I sat at home or in my seat here in church and asked God to take away the sadness and loneliness. I could not feel God's presence and continued in my sadness. Every night i cried and wondered what was to become of me.
A few weeks ago i went to the ladies breakfast at Rachael's. Some of us were sitting at the table and I was sharing that i have asked God over and over to replace my sadness and loneliness with happiness and joy. I remember even pounding my fist on Rachael's table and saying "I want this sadness, loneliness , and pain to go away...NOW!!" Suddenly I felt about a half dozen pair of hands on me and those ladies were praying down the power of God over me. I knew something had happened, but it wasn't until the next day at church when I stood through all of the worship service and stood while praying for others at the altar. It occurred to me after a fashion that I had been standing for an hour with absolutely NO pain to my lower back. Before that I could not stand for more than ten minutes without pain. Since then I have been able to walk through the stores, do work around my house, and other things without lower back pain. I am also able to stand up and walk without having to wait for my knee to unlock!!!!
God is doing something in my life. Yes, I still miss Bruce and still have periods of sadness, but I am feeling a new joy and happiness in the Lord I haven't experienced in a long time. God is taking me on a journey. I have no idea as yet where He is leading me, what I am to do, or where I am to go. I don't know if I am to go alone or if God will provide someone to travel this journey with me. I don't know anything except that I am enjoying the ride!!!
I am so thankful for God's plan and direction in my life...even if I don't know where I'm going yet. But I know that God has a plan for me. He has answered my prayers and is beginning to replace the sadness and loneliness with happiness and joy.
And I know that if it were possible for Bruce, and Gwen, and Pat, and others who have gone on before us to talk to us now, they would say "Be Happy!!!! Let God lead you on a new path....a new journey."
I know the pain of loss, I know what it feels like to suddenly feel completely alone and cry out to God and hear nothing but silence. It wasn't until I left it all...not on the altar.....but on Rachael's kitchen table that Saturday morning that I felt the presence of God is a miraculous way. So far it's been an incredible ride!!!
